video like this? I had a breakdown last night, im all over ..
Added 2021-03-31 19:07:25 +0000 UTCvideo like this? I had a breakdown last night, im all over the place and it's getting so difficult to try and be present when im just so fucked in my head rn. I've made a few little clips over the past few days but i also have so many DM's im drowning! I don't feel stable enough to manage what I need to do, but I haven't got the help, its just not there community wise and all my family have there own things going on and it doesn't seem to matter how much I ask for the help at this point, its all promised and never there so im just trying myself but Im just cant do it myself, i have extreme phone anxity and in the middle of a lockdown everything's been phone calls and I can't deal with the panic it's causing. I feel like all I can do is vent about my problems, I feel better after but then nothing goes further, i'll still not want to wake up tomorrow knowing i have so much i need to do and i dont know how or where to start. you're all so supportive but i dont need to talk my feelings out, yeh they're in my head but they're crippling my life physically and im lost. I'm not going back to any hosptial although it seems to be the only place i ever get the support I need but I refuse to go backwards, i've been discharged for two years as of a few days ago and i've come so far since then it'd be silly to go back down to tht point. I've looked into private help but even then it's finding somebody who will help me with the process of applying and the phone calls i'll receive. I feel so trapped in my own head and I cant be. anyway, I feel better now having that out there and I don't really know what to say other than im sorry im not the SW i need to be, and i know i shouldn't be, but I am. I feel like im always failing at my job and that sucks, but theres nobody to kick me into gear cause im my own boss and quite frankly im the worst boss in the world.
