Hey Everyone, I know this past month and a bit into the mont..

Hey Everyone, I know this past month and a bit into the month of Febuary I have been really quiet and I would love to explain to you as to why. Read bellow if you have the time <3 . . I really hate explaining narcolepsy and how it affects me. I guess, it is more of a rant about how I am feeling recently almost every day. About 85-90% of the time (for the past 2 months), I feel like there is lead (the heavy material) tied to the end of each limb and I am just dragging it around while my head is filled with just fluff or something that makes it extra hard to concentrate or stay awake. Then there are days where I want to sleep, I feel like sleep will re-charge me and once I sleep I feel no different cause of my condition; I still feel tired and miserable and now even worse cause my mental side of me is saying I am being lazy even tho I know I am not. It's like playing catch up on sleep (which isn't possible) and I am just failing at it miserably. The past few months since like maybe November or October, I've been doing days where I stay awake for 16+ hours which isn't helping. The stress of everything also doesn't help. I can't count the number of times I catch myself dozing off randomly (like while cooking, watching TV, driving which I have medicine for, and so on), falling down towards the end of the day or sometimes even at the beginning of the day, falling asleep when I finally get time for myself instead of doing something enjoyable or when I am supposed to do work on other things, and so on. It's like a never ending cycle and I honestly have no idea how to stop it. 'It feels like as an adult I have to keep pushing forward, to do as they would say "work harder and you'll get something better at the end." All I feel is that I get crap thrown back at me in giant shit piles. So I am starting to feel like there is no point in working harder towards anything. There is no point in working hard to a goal that is basically unreachable (like to rent an apartment by MYSELF, to have a partner in life, to have kids, to not be in debt). I wanna save but can't really even when I am trying. I want a different job, I want a career and I was so close to making huge steps towards that but Covid happen and I decided to not risk my, already interesting, health for something worse. However, this past few weeks, I have really tried to make changes within my life to get back onto track. This month will be slow and probably the next few months till tax returns since I am sure I owe a lot back. But until then I am hoping you will stick around and can show me support <3 If you ever want to reach out please do not hesitate both on here and also on my social media account (@mangagirl1114_cosplay)) I lov you all and I hope everything is ok with you <3