I have been away for quite awhile. I did not intend to b..
Added 2022-01-12 03:32:12 +0000 UTCI have been away for quite awhile. I did not intend to be gone so long, but I found it harder to return than I thought it would be. I want to try to explain. Last year I had serious problems because someone I was close to wanted to hurt me. As a result, I fell into depression and started to depend on pills to keep me balanced. I realized that I needed help to deal with my depression and dependence on prescription medications, so I started working with a psychologist. My sessions with my psychologist were very helpful. I stopped taking pills and I dedicated myself to exercise and nutrition. I really wanted to improve my physical health as well as my mental and emotional health. I feel like I made a lot of progress and I am very proud of it. Still - I sometimes have relapses..When this happens I feel that all my hard work was in vain. Even my psychologist does not understand why I have these moments of panic, fear and paranoia. I have come to realize that I cannot solely depend on a psychologist to heal me. I have to do my own soul searching and find peace for myself. I will have to live with my fears and not let them paralyze me. I have to find a way to resist the urge to self-medicate when I am weak, and I cannot expect others to understand what I am dealing with in my mind. I have to move forward and make myself more open to others now. It will not be easy and I know my fears will be an obstacle at times, but I have to keep making improvements - even if they are small ones. I feel it is important that I thank all of you - my online friends - for standing by me and supporting me through this very difficult time. If not for your support - I don't know where I would be now. I certainly would have been lost without all of you.
