***CAMGIRL MEMOIR - BOUNDARIES 5/5*** Sometime that week I ..

***CAMGIRL MEMOIR - BOUNDARIES 5/5***

Sometime that week I got home from work only to find the kitchen covered in flowers. Every time he hurt me he would do this. Not a sincere apology request, but a flower bouquet. And this time there was even a big box of chocolate accompanying it.

I smelled the colorful flowers and the thought of crushing all the petals one by one crossed my mind. But instead, I took the plastic wrap out and placed them in a nice vase with fresh water and plant food. The little note took me by surprise: "love u lets talk"

So that night we talked. He apologized for the way he had been treating me and how everything that happened with his friend made him understand why his porn addiction hurt me and also how much he disliked others looking at me. He thought he could treat me better and said we should just recorded our own videos because he even deleted all his porn collection for me(lol ?). Of course it would have been more honest if he had just asked for videos, but I'd not have accepted then...

Nothing changed.

Honestly I wasn't surprised nor upset about the last manipulation act. But the last drop for me was when I heard him laughing at some bad things that happened the previous time he was deployed. I can't get into details but divorce was past due.

***"pfft ok Good luck making money doing that"***

**Thank you**

That's a wrap

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*So many things have happened the past few months that I wish I could tell you. I don't think it's safe if I do though. In the end what's in the past doesn't matter, right?! All we have is the Present potential to change our future. Deal with the cards given. What do you do when you feel you can't trust anyone anymore? You trust in yourself. But what if you want to just become someone else? Then who is that we are looking at? That is the self you want to become, screaming to come out. Embrace it and create your own hero.*
I wrote it somewhere in my diary pages one of those days.

I'd log on, ignore the chat and just keep my "Go Private" option turned on. A pre tip was required and all the rules were in my Profile. The tip bells interrupted the song:

***Mr.Santana tipped you 900 tokens and left a message: Hi Bella! let's go on Private?***

Before I accepted I made sure he had read my Profile. He said he just wanted me to watch. I was intrigued.

Mr.Santana was wearing a hat and had a guitar on his lap. He asked what song he should start with and I said.. **"Red Hot Chilli Peppers", and he played "By the way" beautifully while adding a bit of his own twist to the song. He also played some classics and gave me a free concert for about 30 minutes. It was lovely. Even though I could hear him well, he preferred to just communicate through typing. I believe English wasn't his first language.

***"Bella I have seen you since your first week in the website over a year ago and I have always enjoyed your company even though I was always a guest. I noticed you have been more quiet and serious since your return so I wanted to give you a night of music and relax and maybe smile if I made you happy. I hope you have a good night and thank you for everything"***

**"Awww =3"**

Clearly my "redpilled" phase didn't last very long.

I don't believe it was just luck but I managed to attract good supportive people at moments I didn't have it at all in real life. Many people still treated me with much empathy and respect even in a place where they were completely hidden behind a screen.
I let my guard down and this is when everything started to flow. Even my english started improving very fast and the chat would sometimes play word games with me.

For the first time in awhile I started feeling free. I didn't mind showing up while being topless anymore. So many other girls did too. Also, it was bringing a larger traffic into my room. The more the merrier.

The longer I stayed on, the more I met people that were nice to hang out with. Some just wanted a business transaction, some just wanted hang out, some wanted to be supportive and after years they are still here for me. ❤️

A few months later I stopped camming again to try different things but that is a whole another story... I returned in 2014

**October 2014**

***Ninja has tipped you 550 tokens and sent you a message: I guess I will be your first Acolyte***

I was thinking of ideas to spice up my chat dynamic. So I thought about making different clubs for people to join, and each club would have different perks. Acolyte was the first level. And Ninja was excited to move forward each step of the ladder.

***Ninja tipped you 100 tokens and sent you a message: Don't forget us when you are popular***

He said after getting the intermediary club level. Ninja had been very talkative and he mentioned he knew me since my first days also.

He was always present in my room and I appreciated how he was helping me go forward.

He moved up every club. The last one was "Grand Master" and the most personal. I would make an "ugly" drawing for the members and mail them/post it on my profile. The drawings were very very silly and went as far as my terrible drawing skills allowed. I hoped to get a laugh out of people and always tried to add an internal joke/reference for the tipper. Besides the drawing, I also granted Skype Shows and all my videos.

It came the day that Ninja and I had our first Skype. He just let me do my own thing and wasn't pushy. But for the second Skype session he warned me he had something to tell me. Fine by me.
I can't deny I was very curious and wondered about what he had to say during the entire Private.
I tried on all the outfits he wanted me to wear and did my thing.. He wanted to see me dancing, using lotion, some spanking, nothing too out of line. Towards the end I hear a buzz coming from my bed. I pick it up and there's a new unopened message:

***"Thanks for the show it was great"*** - It was from my ex-husband's number.

How ironic. I guess some really prefer to watch rather than touch :p

and The World Goes 'Round...

But this was around the last time we talked before growing apart for real. That didn't stop him from lurking in my room until a
2019 though

**Back to our normal transmission**