UFC 280 Review: “If Jeff Spicoli Joined Cobra Kai”... Olive..

UFC 280 Review: “If Jeff Spicoli Joined Cobra Kai”... Oliveira v. Makhachev: If GSP & Jon Jones* are Caucausian God’s favorites, then the Dagestanis must be Allah’s favorites (*concerning). I knew Islam was no slouch, but Charles had been ripping through one of the tougher divisions in the UFC and making it look easy. Between Khabib and Islam, I’m really starting to wonder if there’s a level of divinity/sorcery involved; they’re so good that it’s hard to believe human skill alone could accomplish what they’ve done. The Dagestanis are such superior fighters that they’re already competing outside their own species (ex: prepubescent Khabib wrestling a bear)... While I still have tremendous respect for Charles, I’m also really looking forward to watching Islam’s journey through the UFC (including his final fight, when he wins via submission against a Megalodon shark or some shit). Sterling v. Dillashaw: I actually had Aljo winning this fight, so I’m not surprised by the outcome. I am equally not surprised that he found a way to be cringeworthy in his post-fight interview. I think Aljo is a better fighter than most of us would like to give him credit for, but his antics make it a little hard to root for him. He’s not evil enough to be a heel, nor is he likable enough to be a hero. If Aljamain could master the art of “doing less”, I think he could turn a number of us into fans… Though this was not known ahead of time, it’s worth noting that Dillashaw had a bum shoulder coming into this fight. While I understand (and admire) his decision to still compete, I don’t like that we’re letting his undisclosed injury take away from Aljo’s victory… As a fighter, if you’re making the decision that your injury does not affect your abilities to the point where you can’t perform, then you owe it to your competitor to not use said injury as an excuse if they defeat you. Because if you felt like your injury DID affect your skills that much, then you should have backed out of the fight. In short: you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Yan v. O’Malley: In my opinion, it wouldn’t be a good UFC card if there wasn’t a hotly-contested win via decision that we could all argue about on Twitter… I am (admittedly) being a fence-rider on this one; it could have gone either way in my eyes. Regardless of how you feel about the outcome, it’s hard to deny that both fighters put on a great show from beginning to end. Not only was the fight a real barn burner (earning each of them Fight of the Night bonuses), but their shenanigans leading up to the bout were equally as entertaining. I mean, Yan telling Suga that he looked “like a wh-re on the side of the road” at an International press conference is the exact kind of sideshow lunacy that puts this promotion a cut above the rest. I personally think that, if we could speed up Yan’s ESL lessons, he and Suga have the makings of a great podcast. A pint-sized Russian Bond villain on one side and this “if Jeff Spicoli joined Cobra Kai” character on the other side? Truly the kind of dynamic duo we need in these trying times… Dariush v. Gamrot: This was a good fight (went the distance, Dariush’s impressive takedown defense/striking, Gamrot’s grappling, etc) and yet it still felt like it was missing that wow factor… I did like that Dariush frequently shouts out Jesus Christ, like he’s gunning for a sponsorship from Heaven itself. Would probably have been more entertaining if he fought a Pagan. Chookagian v. Fiorot: As a chick, it pains me to say this, but these ladies were a bit of a snoozefest and I expected more from them. Chookagian also missed weight by 1.5 lbs, so between that and her performance, it feels a little like she mailed this one in. Then again… one hit from her would probably send my jaw into another dimension, so who am I to talk? Stray Observations: –Suga Sean was very humble in victory… Seeing the more genuine side of his personality come through felt weirdly endearing. Good on you, Spicoli. –Multiple attacks were launched on our short kings… Suga calling out Yan’s height at the presser; Islam calling Volkanovski “this short guy” in his octagon interview. –Someone by the name of “TJ” bought one of my posts yesterday… Not sure if it was Dillashaw, but if so, I’m happy I (and my tits) can provide him with some comfort during this difficult time. xxxo, BriBri