Diary of an Internet Whore, 2020-08-23 On Whoring and Friend..

Diary of an Internet Whore, 2020-08-23 On Whoring and Friendships I know you were all expecting the follow-up to the story with my sister, but it will be for another day. It’s my diary after all! I’m sitting here, getting ready for another porn shoot, and I’m kind of pissed off. For the past 4 hours, I’ve been doing the unglamorous part of shooting porn. First, there’s the fact that I can’t eat anything *all day* before shooting, except maybe some vodka and watermelon juice: I’d fucking puke my brains out if I were to deepthroat a monster cock with anything else in my stomach, and the alcohol helps me relax a bit and take the abuse. Make no mistake: I do love getting facefucked and my ass drilled by monster cock, but it’s no walk in the park. Sometimes it makes me puke so hard so nerves clench up in my neck, from all the stretching that the cock create deep, deep down my throat, past the Adam’s apple bone (trachea). It’s a mesmerizing feeling, my entire body wants to clench up, to push out the intruder, but I’ve learned to control my gag reflex and just take it, learn to relax and breathe through my nose while a man is shoving his meat inside my mouth, pushing in and out, TRYING to make me puke but I just have to suck harder and defy him until he comes. But I am hungry. I only get that one meal a day, after a porn shoot. Then, aside from not eating for deepthroating, comes the dreadful part: getting my anus pornstar clean. This is SO BORING. Nobody thinks about this, but getting my ass drilled by monster dicks requires some serious preparation. I spend on average 2 hours just to get that hole ready. It involves multiple enem as to get eveeeerything out, then I have to stretch it with dildos, pre-lube everything really deep so I don’t have to use lube on set. When you have to do it every day, five times before a scene, it gets really boring and repetitive. But I want to do quality work. I have to be squeaky clean. Plus, I do a lot of ass to mouth so it’s for my own well-being also. My new double dildos come quite handy for the pre-lubing part. That’s not so bad. But then it does get tedious, cleaning for hours a day. Then there’s all the makeup and hairdos. I usually log in to my account and try to chat as much as I can with everyone while doing it, but I also have to focus on doing it correctly. All-in-all just getting clean and dolled up is a good 4 hours of my day. That’s without counting the workouts during the week and the dieting, the cost of products, the innumerable appointments for hair colouring, laser, surgeries, lip augmentation, etc. It never ends. And when you think that’s it, there’s also the hunting for locations to film, negotiating deals, advertizing, social media, the actual video and photo editing. 14-hour days, 6 days a week. I really, REALLY care to give you all my best, to perform, to give you more than your money’s worth, that you get off and live fantasies through my videos. But then it is a lot of hours to put in, even if it’s my passion. I love it, I love the lifestyle. I know I wouldn’t want to do anything else anymore. I’m fully on board and I give it my all. I want to create amazing material, and connect with other people, and share stories and kinks and ideas. I haven’t been in this industry for long and lately, things happened that saddened me and made me realize I’ll have to build a tougher skin. I thought I was making some friends too, at least online friends. Sometimes when I get ready for a shoot, I’m alone in my room and it does get boring. I always have the JRE podcasts to keep me company, but for those of you who know me a bit more I like to chat on and off. I don’t say Hi, Goodbye, Hru’s, etc. Just ongoing existential conversations for days on end is my way of doing online relationships. But then there’s those who become clingy and even demanding. They get angry when I don’t reply fast enough, even if we’ve been chatting for days, weeks, months on end. And you all know I don’t charge for that, I’m just having fun. Most others do charge. I just do it for the fun. But it can’t be *required or *expected out of me just at any time. I have to work hard to create the videos I do, the content that enables me to eat and pay my bills. I can’t even afford my own place yet. And then at some point one becomes too pushy, I’m like dude, you’ve never spent a penny on my stuff, yet I still chat just cause you’re fun, and then he tells me “there’s plenty of free content on porn hub, I don’t pay for porn”. Well, congratulations. I can’t believe he’s proud to tell me that. Here I am spending 14 hours a day making great content, literally spending $60 000 on surgeries and video equipment, chatting day in day out, and he’s telling me my work is worthless? He gets off to it, but he’s insulted when I tell him I have to go do the work and can’t chat for now, and sometimes even has the balls to ask me why I don’t give them away all my vids for free? That I should be doing this ONLY for the fun? Well sorry, if it’s that way, I just can’t. At some point, I’d love to afford a roof over my head. Producing quality videos costs time and money. And then I realize that it doesn’t matter, I was just his whore, but he didn’t even pay me and ran away. What sucks is that I didn’t know; I thought it was a kind of friendship and I didn’t mind he wasn’t buying. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having fun. Yesterday, I watched Rocco Siffredi’s documentary on Netflix. The guy is obsessed with porn, just like I am. I literally crave doing porn every day. I wanna watch it, produce it, star in it, I just need it. I totally get that guy, and watching him talk just made me so horny. I saw the sexual beast in his eyes. I understood what makes him tick when I saw him questioning and tormenting the girls before shoots. He wants to see what lies in the deepest corners of your mind. I’m the same, but opposite: I just want to show you all how horny and dirty and kinky I really am. But I did invest 10 years of my life into this, and I do work insane hours, and at some point, it just feels like if I were a start-up restaurant owner, and all my friends were storming into my venue expecting meals on the house. Wait in line, take a seat, and if you want me to succeed, help a bit. But even that, I rarely if ever say it. What pisses me off the most I when someone gets so self-entitled that if I refuse to give away free material, they just delete or block me. Like wtf? I didn’t ask for anything, I give a lot for free, if you want more pay for it, or just wait for what I’m giving out. At the end of the day, I think about all of you and the conversations we have throughout the day, the ideas we exchange, and I grow as a person too through all of this. I am thankful to all those of you who have been here since the beginning, and others who find out about me and come here, reach out, and support me in many ways, through likes, tips, purchasing videos, or just being there when I’m feeling really low from all the stuff I’m going through in my personal life, and especially when you send me testimonials of how I help you go through your own struggles through my writings. I’m off to get manhandled in another video. Have a great evening and I still love you all. I just had to vent a bit. This is more than a job to me. It's my passion, my life now. I'm not in it just for the money, although yes, of course I do need it. But some of you know me even better than my real-life friends. And I sure share more secrets here than I do with people who know me in my vanilla life. In many ways, we are closer than I am with the people in my physical life. So when someone just tells me it’s all worthless, that I’m worthless, it does hurt. I do care. Maybe I shouldn’t so much. Even if I’m just an Internet Whore, I’m a person with feelings too.