Since you guys are paying money to be subscribed here I feel..

Since you guys are paying money to be subscribed here I feel like I have a duty to entertain, and ultimately distract from the horrors of the real world waiting for all of us right outside our doors. I don't even want to mention the C word, I'm literally so sick of hearing about it. Normally I'm the, think positive everything will be OK, kinda girl. And I do believe that thinking positive has its benefits, we shouldn't be required to live in stress every minute of every day... but things are fucking crazy right now! If I thought I had a wide range of emotions normally this crap has pushed my emotional threshold to whole new levels. One day I've convinced myself that nothing matters everyone is shit and the world is going to implode on itself so whats the fucking point? The next day I'm talking myself down from the ledge so to speak, using all the spiritual know-how in my arsenal to allow my head some peace and happiness in order to literally just continue to function. It's like all my anxiety and depression to date was training for this fucking moment. Let me just say I am in no way perfect or even slightly pretending to know how to make things better. I will share a few little bits I've learned dealing with my own existential dread but ultimately the truth is, THIS FUCKING SUCKS! It's OK to admit that the situation the world is in is scary and sooooo frustrating. It's OK to have days entirely devoted to Netflix, it's OK to make every sweet baked confection that comes to mind to try and soothe that nagging feeling of impending doom. It's OK to be mad, sad, angry, hopeful, and all the other emotions in between. And it's OK to not. It's OK if you're not really worried at all and you think everyone is making a big deal out of nothing. Basically, it's ALL OK. When I did that live feed last Saturday one of you sent me a message after saying that talking to me added some light in your life during this dark time. And that touched me a lot because, YOU also add light to my darkness. I often mentally beat myself up because, I SHOULD BE BETTER! But even in my utter imperfectness, y'all still love me. Sometimes I don't get why, I don't think I deserve it... but at the end of the day we are all humans trying to enjoy this time we have on this planet and at the same time witnessing its slow destruction. That's not easy, but maybe we can get some comfort knowing that we're in this together. No one single person has all the answers, no one is perfect, and we are all doing our best. We do deserve to be happy, safe, loved, and however we find that for ourselves is our business, no one else. So thank you for the light, and inspiration, and joy and love that you bring to my life! And if you're feeling down or up or left or right, it's all good. It's called being human and you're not alone. Fuck the haters, fuck the know-it-alls, fuck anyone telling you you're not doing it right. You, like me, are doing the best you can with what we've been given, and that is all that really matters.