I'm not sure why I like thinking about and watching degradat..

I'm not sure why I like thinking about and watching degradation. Something about feeling dirty and used turns me on. I think that taboo is an important ingredient for sexual arousal. We want what we feel we shouldn't have. We want to do what we think we shouldn't do. For me, as a feminist, c0nsenting to degradation feels taboo. And in the context I grew up in it was also really taboo for girls and women to be sexually available and/or horny. I also think that sometimes kinky sex involves eroticizing trauma. For me, as a feminist, I have trauma around being disrespected, underestimated, and objectified on account of my gender without my c0nsent. And I have trauma around being shamed for being horny and for wanting to be sexually available. C0nsenting to degradation also feels like I'm eroticizing my trauma around my experiences of sexism and sex-negativity. Or maybe I'm just brainwashed by the patriarchy into thinking it's hot for women to be degraded. Lol. In all seriousness, I do think it would be absurd to say that what I think the men I'm attracted to enjoy in bed has no bearing on what I find hot. And if it turns out I only like degradation because I think men like it, that's fine. I doubt this for a few reasons, including that I don't think most men particularly like female degradation. It's not a super popular porn category among men, as far as I know. Most of the men I have sex with, especially those who don't identify as kinky, don't particularly want to degrade me in or outside the bedroom. But even if I do like it just to please the menz, that's fine. Because, consensual degradation in porn or in kink doesn't cause non-consensual degradation. Again, I think the taboo thing is important. I suspect that the shitbags who degrade women without their c0nsent by dismissing, demeaning, and underestimating women in their day-to-day don't watch degradation porn. Wny would they? They see female degradation all the time. It's redundant to degrade women when you already see them as sub-human. The best consensual degraders of women are the people who see women as whole, worthwhile, equally valuable human beings. Only from that vantage point can you see what's really hot about someone so powerful setting aside their considerable agency and submitting to be treated as less than fully human for a while. This is why it takes me forever to masturbate.