Added 2023-10-10 15:59:49 +0000 UTC
Okay. I realized that I spend all day without rest in the blender not just because I enjoy it so much but because reality scares me. The blender is the source of my dopamine explosion. I'm hooked on this bomb as accomplishing and learning each new goal is a dose of dopamine every time. I eat worse and sleep poorly because I'm always learning but when I learn something new I feel happy. I'm gonna go wash up now and put the lights and my phone on charge. I'll get ready to take new pictures. Simple photos are almost nobody's favorite and October is literally my worst month ever. So I'm going to try to do something complex and beautiful. Also, I'm very sad that the site recommendations stopped working for me and for other models I know. At the same time I reduced the number of posts on reddit to make the profile look better but because of that I almost stopped getting a new audience. Damn tumor is the reason I'm so cautious, I'll have a checkup at the end of October but maybe later, I'll be told if there are changes and what to do next. However, I feel like it's only gotten worse. Given my sadness over everything that is going on blender has been my drug and salvation.
