(this was supposed to be posted Thursday I'm not sure why it..

(this was supposed to be posted Thursday I'm not sure why it didn't go but I did indeed have a rly back reaction to the 2nd dose, I'm just trying to help my body heal (as frustrating as it is not to push to do work I want to), I'll update more when I can, my instinct is to just gloss over it and jump back in asap but I know I have a lot of chronically ill Cosmianauts here too that may be struggling with the vax as well so I wanna share for them all so we kno were not alone 💕🥄) JFC this mini stroke recovery is rough. I've had some extreme fatigue and other flares (esp pain/mobility) I barely remanhthinf since it happened. I feel like constantly in a state of half asleep fog but also haven't slept in a week. Like I'll manage to heat up some food to feed myself and then I have to lay down again and rest for hours before I can manage another tiny task. Watching my todo list build up around me whilst I felt like gravity was five times stronger... Urgh. Difficult to do without getting down on yourself. All I want to do is be able to do is work. Like do things for myself and others and it's so hard to accept when you just can't. & On top of just being in not the best place in my life rn w support and barely being conscious most of the time I was extra not prepared to try and handle all the legal loose ends that suddenly seemed more urgent should my body decide a second stroke would be helpful in an unaliveing type way like I'm not stable enough for this shit son 😅 maximum effort compartmentalizing! I know it's not the healthiest strategy always but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get thru, and that's nothing to be ashamed about (she reminds herself....) Anyway on a lighter but still depressing note I was really hoping I'd be able to do comic OC black widow lewds as planned but it became obvious I could do pretty much nothing past keeping myself alive till this flare passes. I could barely standup either of the days I had scheduled to do the noodz BW shoot and it crushed me. I worked so hard on the designs and I couldn't even sew them 😭 But I thought okay Clara maybe this is a good time to practice not being such a perfectionist and aim lower, maybe just try the MCU widow accessories w the nood look and do a smaller shoot once you feel a tiny bit better? Well I tried some of the avessories on, not overjoyed with the look but thought it could work... However even just a couple minutes of putting those on completely knocked out what little fight I had in me and I sadly realised even that much paired down shoot wasn't happening either Esp with my 2nd vaccine dose fast approaching. I'm already so run down and the shot tends to be a lot tougher on chronically ill folk like myself so I anticipate I'm probably gonna be in rough shape for another few days at least Managed a couple lil piccies tho (unedited and no makeup obvs) and I do have a couple full noodz from shoot day w the widow makeup to tide us over but I'm afraid it's gonna be a smidge longer wait than planned for the OC comic noodz black widow. Hopefully I'll be well enough to shoot in a week or so but gotta see how my body reacts/heals first. I've still got the full MCU cosplay set shot tho so stay tuned for more BTS and teasers and I'll get the full sets out asap once I can get the PM's working again I also have some noodz to ppv out too 💕 I miss you guys, I'm thinking of trying to plan a super low key live to just like chat about marvel stuff or have some Storytimes or something, even if I'm not up for a full show it'd be nice to hang out, what I'd you folk think? :) PS nood to the main as a thank you for your support thru this for me, it means the world 🥰