Sometimes, I get hyper and go off on the internet before i fall asleep. I say a lot of things when I’m manic. 😶 I wake up and I’m like… oh yea I posted that. It’s nice when good people acknowledge it and support my efforts, too. 😆 I spend a lot of time doing it on social media and I’m glad the right people are seeing me.
2024-09-09 05:23:56 +0000 UTC View PostIf I owe you a little something something, I appreciate your patience and you can softly let me know for some bonus goodies. Ily. I was trying to get into the mood today to film and I’m close to ready. 🙈
2024-09-09 04:54:54 +0000 UTC View PostToday’s stream! Never sold a stream this low before but I’ve been chatty so it’ll be a special price today. Love u lots. 🤍 Pajamas in sweatpants and watermelon shirt designed by Sammy Obeid the comedian and then Calvin Klein athletic wear and then a nurse costume!
#cindymoon #nurse #cosplay
Today, episode 1.. I wore my pajamas which is a Watermelon shirt and sweatpants. I change out into Calvin Klein sports bra and boyshorts.
2024-09-08 20:38:24 +0000 UTC View Post
Blow me some kisses before u leave for work, papi. 🤍 💋 🥰
2024-09-08 11:25:23 +0000 UTC View Post
Japanese curry meal planning finished. 🤗
I feel a lot better after processing what’s been going on. I appreciate everyone here for making me feel beautiful and valuable. My reality didn’t include that at all. I needed you all to wake up from it.
Waifu stuff for simps only from here on out. I am not interested in dating. I need to work really hard to make up for lost time, revenue, joy, years and memories.
Everything I’ve been wanting I can give to my self or get from nice people online who have been good to me. I deserve it all. 🤗
#cindymoon #diary #cooking
It is my fault for staying as long as I did.
I am a lover at heart. I got very attached. My heart was loyal even though I knew it was detrimental to work. I also didn’t feel right leaving someone just because their dick didn’t work. His story about having a dedbeat father also got to my heart. I was also afraid that if I left him he would smoke and drink himself to an early grave. No one else in his life was trying to stop him.
I couldn’t stop him anyways.
Im sure he has cancer… I can’t stand watching him do this to himself anymore. He’s been smoking about pack a day since he was 1 1. He learned it from his mom who wasn’t around much either.
This is too strezzful. I sincerely can’t deal with it. Nothing I say or do can stop him from smoking and vaping pr drinkingg 3 energy drinks a day. I can’t save him.
I cared very much. I was probably also afraid of being alone and never finding someone I would be this attracted to.
He was the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life.
I put him on a pedestal with the ideal version of him in my head hoping I could love him out of whatever dark hole he’s been in. He has helped and he gave me a lot of his time, some help and company even if wasn’t what I asked for. He has. I have to give him credit for that even if I had to pull teeth to get the occasional help.
He helped with renovation even though I told him it was more important that he give me a 2 minute blowie video. He did everything to avoid making love with me on camera. I don’t know what’s wrong with him and I don’t care anymore. If you’re not attracted to me then why did you make me be with you as if we were together? Someone who loves me wouldn’t keep me this strezzed for this long when all you needed to do was get a boner. I was good to you. I could have gotten us a house by now if you would just listen to me and help me 1 hour a day or even a week. But you won’t. I can’t do this anymore. He won’t have sex with me. I can’t do this anymore.
I need to find people to play with for work. He’s not worth going broke for. It doesn’t matter how much I loved him.
In his story, I’m the bad guy for distracting him from school. Im not trying to be the bad guy. I don’t want to blow up anymore. This angry, negative version isn’t the me I want to be. This just isn’t working. I can’t lose my followers over him. I don’t know why he can’t just listen to me and help out. I don’t want to live in strezz and anxiety anymore. I don’t know why he won’t help me where it matters. I don’t want to be working 16 hours on the phone anymore to take care of someone who doesn’t even care if I’ve eaten today or give me a vacation or birthday or Christmas. I don’t care if he didn’t have parents. I deserve better.
I don’t want to write essays on the internet anymore.
I don’t know all the reasons why I hung on for so long. I have things to work on myself. Im not perfect. I blow up and get angry when I can’t handle what’s on my plate all by myself. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I want someone who supports me and my passions and treats my followers well. If my followers don’t like him then I can’t do this and it’s not fair to them to see me so unhappy for so many years. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to see me happy. I haven’t honestly smiled in years. I don’t want to shrink for someone who doesn’t appreciate me.
I suppose I didn’t have the energy to try again elsewhere. I don’t think either of us are bad, but we both have poor people brain and were very pressed by different things.
I can’t help someone who isn’t watering my garden. No matter how much I do it’s never enough for him to help me. I just can’t afford to do this anymore. There are people relying on me, lives that depend on the money I bring in. Refugees. Orphans.
I could have made 20k a month this whole time if he would just play with me on camera for a few minutes but he wont do it properly. I would have blown him every day to make 20k a month but he doesn’t want that even though he would benefit. I can’t deal with this insanity or stupidity.
I’m tired of feeling so ugly and helpless with him. I’m tired of helping him as much as I do and somehow I’m still the bad guy. I feel so stupid. This is hell for me and I deserve heaven. He wont make love with me, handle dinner on occasion or even hold the camera and play Instagram husband so I can get him a house or a new car. I don’t understand how stupid he can be, to hold content hostage and keep me this strezzed for this long.
I need a break and some time with a different kind of person. I’ve never had a real birthday celebration with him. No anniversaries. No dates. No breakfast in bed. No loving words. Just fighting fighting fighting. I can’t marry or have a family with someone who wouldn’t give me or a some mini me’s a birthday or Christmas. This whole time has been this weird blur and I kept hoping if I kept taking care of him he would eventually make it worth it. I suppose he’s still healing from his own things like a deadbeat father and his wife leaving him. I can’t save him.
I think if he actually loved me he would have taken me out on a date by now. I’m beyond confused, exhausted and angry. I just can’t do this anymore. I need peace and people who actually love me and want to see me succeed. I deserve it all.
#cindymoon #relationships #diary
Not everyone who comes by in life is meant to stay.
And that’s okay. 🤗
You are strong, brave, smart, unique, kind and loved.
2024-09-08 05:42:03 +0000 UTC View Post
🇯🇵 Japanese curry meal prep for the week. 🥕 🥔 🧅 🫑 🔪 👩🍳 🍛 🍚
Quiet night at home. 🍛
Thanks for being here for me during my growing chapters.
Post me in 4chan, Reddit, wherever for some selfies as gifts. 🎁 I appreciate you. Everything will be okay. 🤍
I gave him a million chances to bring something to the table. He kept me miserable and made sure I made the least amount of money every day for years. There’s nothing to feel bad about. I feel so dumb for trying to love you out of your insecurity and stupidity. I feel silly for all the energy I put into you trying to explain to you that I could make 6 figures a year and take care of us if you would just help out one hour a day instead of making me live like a single mom. We fought every day for 5 years. I can’t live like this anymore.
If your dick doesn’t work; the least you can do is handle dinner or the dishes. You’re lucky I was naive enough to help you as much as I did. You’d rather lose me than have sex with me and be a part of the sexiest years of my life? Have fun finding someone who would do as much I would for you. It doesn’t matter if I’m wifey material if you can’t be a good man. 5 minutes of sex a year isn’t normal. No dates, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases or vacations isn’t normal. You’re a pos for trying to convince me we were in a relationship when you take so much more than you give. You’re an idiot for not listening to me and helping me. I resent you for keeping me in this weird head space and not doing more to help the only person you had left after your wife left you. I see why she left you and you deserved it.
I can’t save you.
I don’t know what Chad said or did to make some of you unfollow me but I will be sleeping with more of my followers because I’ve honestly had enough.
2024-09-08 04:16:53 +0000 UTC View PostThere’s no point in sweating over a guy who doesn’t even make sure you have a full tank of gas in the car. 🥱
2024-09-08 03:29:17 +0000 UTC View Post
I got your dick hard like diamonds. 💎
You do as I say like I’m Simon. 😌🎶
#poetry #writing #louisvuitton
I love onlyfans. I genuinely believe it’ll be the next mainstream media for adults. It’s pretty awesome here. If I could pay Chris Hemsworth $20 to tell me I’m pretty, I would do it. Just $20 ??? 😆 💯 babe ur my boyfriend now
2024-09-08 01:48:54 +0000 UTC View PostIf you ignore my $4 message, I’ll ignore you back. 😆
2024-09-08 01:34:39 +0000 UTC View Post
Cooking Japanese curry and watching Bridgerton. ☺️
#netflix
Which hole 🕳️ are we stuffing today ?
2024-09-07 15:21:41 +0000 UTC View Post
PSA 😊 I have an agreement with chad and I know he’s selling a few videos with me in it. I let him have a week or 2 to sell some exclusive content before I sell it from my page.
I didn’t mind it because he’s trying to raise money to pay off his tuition this semester. ( he’s not from around here or this country so the tuition is really high.) I’d like to see him graduate and get a big boy job. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I realize now that it might have been hard for him to sympathize or help me without being resentful because he’s struggling with paying rent, car and tuition. He has helped me sometimes, more than any of the other lovers. I sincerely care and don’t want anyone I’ve known to not be able to pay off their tuition or be scared they can’t make rent.
However, I’m catching wind that he’s… not being very likeable right now (a few of you unsubbed.) so I ripped him a new universe and looking for another person to play with again. 🤷🏻♀️
…Which is wild because he JUST got me back from the other lover. (Which was someone I knew for over 7 yrs, not a complete stranger.)
I’ll do what I have to do, too. I wanna make enough to make my grandma comfortable, get my own car and maybe a home one day!
Idk… maybe he’s feeling scared there’s so many guys so he’s acting out. I hate that I even have to talk out loud about any of this. 🤦🏻♀️ maybe my online boyfriends are feeling jealous but not in a horny way and they’re acting out? Idk get over it, all of you please. I love you. 🥹
