🔥 Tip $5 if you like this lingerie I didn’t actually end up buying on me 😘
Sorry I keep falling asleep too early. I think I paid off my sleep debt and won’t crash before midnight. I want to try tonight but I can’t make promises so I will put the stream notification out closer to the time so I know if I’m too tired or not. I’m still really depressed but just trying to forget about it… but you know how it is.
I got a new tripod so yay. I ordered an window AC unit so hopefully that makes it do the heat doesn’t literally kill me. I’m still learning how to use my new camera (Panasonic Lumix G95) so sometimes the mishaps in that causes delays and I’m sorry about that. I’m working on everything and appreciate the patience some of you have. I make the videos that are late longer (up to 10 min, can even make 15 and add extra perks like masturbation + climax) and I say your name multiple times throughout the video so you know for a fact it’s personalized.
❤️ Tip $5 if you think they’re bigger than they look 👀
💕 Tip $10-20 to show your love and support 🥺🌟
Contrary to what some say, I’m not flat chested. They’re actually 32 C. I just don’t have many low cut shirts that exaggerate their size. Okay, I hope the technical difficulty will be worked out but I’m going to try again at a nude gaming stream (I will keep trying till I get it right!) — at 11pm New York time. :-) I got my magic wand so I can make the videos for those who donated ❤️
❤️ Tip $5 if you think I’m hot even tho I’m bloated :,(
Don’t try to convince me I’m not bloated because I know how my natural body looks like and this ain’t it chief. Good news! I figured out how to stream on OBS to onlyfans so I can do more fun live streams like nude gaming streams, or peaceful watch me draw and chat live streams, etc. I would love some suggestions as what we can do — any interactive games you guys want to play?Thanks to the subscribers who came yesterday and patiently helped me tweak the bugs in the setup.
As always ongoing customs will get extras added onto them — if you paid for dirty talk, I’ll add masturbation / climax and make it longer for you.
Here’s how I will do it from now on: you will only pay half up front for the custom. The other half I will send the finished product in a locked message.
More on the website: https://www.katarinaishii.com/my-menu
Also, another gaming stream tonight! I hope you can make it :)
🌟Here’s a poll: down there, want me clean shaven or hairy?
🔥Tip $5 if you like how tiny I look compared to this BWC
💕Tip $10 or $20 to show your love and support 🥺❤️
I was supposed to see my BG to partner today but had to cancel because my stomach was hurting (my IBS) and I basically had to sleep all day to sleep it off… just woke up. Btw my Tiktok account NotaKantian / AsianWeebprincess was permanently banned with zero video violations. I emailed them and appealed so hopefully I get my account back. It’s pretty bullshit that I can be permanently banned with a clean record, no warning or temporary suspension, nothing. That company needs to make some changes because it’s annoying have to work so hard just to have it taken all away from you for no reason. Luckily I have some backup accounts. I’m impressed I was able to amass over 1k follows on the first account within a day.
www.tiktok.com/@theholyromanempire3
www.tiktok.com/@halfjewishgirl
What a pain….
🔥 Tip $5 if you want more of these pu$$y shots
❤️ This fundraiser is for the Magic Wand Plus. I included a product description in this photo set. This will help in terms of making more hysterical literature content).
Donators
— $20 Personalized sexy audio message
— $40 Personalized sexy video message
— $60 Above video message + video with new toy
— $120 + Above video message plus and a personalized masturbation video with new toy where I cum and say your name
I’ll be working on customs throughout the day so hopefully I will have yours done soon. Thank you for your patience; I appreciate it and will make your video longer and add sexy little extras into it to make it special and personalized for you.
🌟The Cock Narrative only $50 today: which includes 4 videos (these can be done that day)
🌟And with that — you get one extra personalized custom for $45
🌟 Tip $5 if you appreciate me and hope my stomach improves ❤️
I just want to say that I appreciate you all as subscribers. I will be back to posting BG content when I have a regular partner; for now I hope you enjoy the lower subscription price and I will try to post more content to make it worth your while. Order a cock rating narrative with me because they’re fun to do. I have another series that will be added to the menu which I will describe later: PH Reviews or commentary. I will hopefully make more hysterical literature videos but I lost my vibrator charger so I have to wait till it comes in the mail later today. What books would you like to see me read?
The narrative series amounts to $55 for today only. It can be done the quickest of my customs. it consists of:
An Honest Rating
1. The saga begins with a standard honest dick rating with the criterion being girth, length, and overall attractiveness and from both the objective and subjective perspective on a scale from 1-10 ($30)
Oral Fixation
2. I will provide a comprehensive hmm narrative of what I would like to do to your cock with my mouth: just as it sounds, I will describe in vivid painstaking detail how I would want to gag on your cock and alongside will provide a visual example using a phallic object ($25)
Let’s fuck
3. I will give an intricate elaboration of how I would like to be fucked by your cock: I will illustrate my innermost desires in regards to how I want you to penetrate me. ($20)
Can I bring a friend?
4. I will illustrate in a detailed narrative how a girl friend and I would serve your cock together: (free bonus)
Each video is 5-6 min stripping nude
The total package: if bought separately, the total cost amounts to $75. If you buy all 3 for today, it will be $55
I’m really depressed today; not sure if it will improve but I will try to continue to muster motivation to exist. Customs I’m working on soon but I’m just so damn depressed that it’s hard. Not accepting new customs except for cock rating narratives. May have to give me two days on the ongoing customs as I barely have enough will power to get out of bed. Thanks for understanding
🌟 Tip $5 if you have a dog that you love 💕
Thank you for your patience! I will work on more of it tonight. Let me know whether you want me to wear glasses in them or not. I can also do school girl type role play scenarios. I actually love customs where I can act and play a character that is dissimilar to myself.
My cock rating narratives can usually be done by that day so support me by ordering one! I deeply appreciate it. If you want to expedite your custom (that day) — feel free to tip $25 extra (or more if you’re feeling generous) which will definitely provide the necessary incentive for me to get started right away.
🌟 Poll: where in the world are you located?
🌟 Tip $5 if you like the long 15 min videos with my friend and want me to do more of those
Here’s my gaming setup and the custom emotes you get to use from my twitch!
https://twitch.tv/katarinaishii
If you support me, support my close friends who I love dearly he’s so great at the games he plays: https://www.twitch.tv/thestormdiver
I’m working on a lot of the customs today so thank you and I appreciate your patience. If you want to remind me, feel free! Cock rating narratives usually I can do the same day so you get four videos for $65 that same day. Tip and send several angles that will help me access its size and I’ll get started.
(Yes my behavior is weird. I was born with Tourette's and am on the spectrum (with adhd)
I will be sending out a solo video for those who have rebill on ❤️
If you want to support me, a great way to do this is by ordering a custom. I will be working on a lot of the orders today. I deeply appreciate your patience with me on this.
💕 I also have a wishlist wqwif you’re feeling generous. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/6UTP3XC64BHW?ref_=wl_share
🌟 Tip $10 if you want a personalized audio. Let me know what name you want me to use.
🌟Tip $40 for a video where I strip and say your name and detail all the things I want to do to you for 5-6 min. Let me know if you have any specific phrases you want me to use.
🌟 If you don’t want the full narrative (it’s four videos for $65) — feel free to tip separately for any of the above videos and I’ll send it over. If you’re waiting on the fourth part of the narrative series, message me and I’ll send it to you right away.
Fetishes Offered for + $10 Race Play (Submissive Asian — can wear a Chinese dress to add greater authenticity — I have several different kinds so let me know whether you have a preference), Breeding, , FemDom or Mommy Dom, or straight degradation. If you want race play about your lmk whether it’s BWC, BBC, etc.
💕 Tip $5 if you like my preppy look 🥰
🔥 Poll: I’ve been asked this by a few people so I will ask here: who wants me to send them a feet pics bundle for PPV? I know it’s a niche fetish so it’s probably better I ask who specifically wants it rather than send it to all my subscribers haha.
If you want to support me, a great way to do this is by ordering a custom. I will be working on a lot of the orders today. I deeply appreciate your patience with me on this.
💕 I also have a wishlist if you’re feeling generous. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/6UTP3XC64BHW?ref_=wl_share
🌟 Tip $10 if you want a personalized audio. Let me know what name you want me to use.
🌟Tip $40 for a video where I strip and say your name and detail all the things I want to do to you for 5-6 min. Let me know if you have any specific phrases you want me to use.
🌟 If you don’t want the full narrative (it’s four videos for $65) — feel free to tip separately for any of the above videos and I’ll send it over. If you’re waiting on the fourth part of the narrative series, message me and I’ll send it to you right away.
Fetishes Offered for + $10 Race Play (Submissive Asian — can wear a Chinese dress to add greater authenticity — I have several different kinds so let me know whether you have a preference), Breeding, , FemDom or Mommy Dom, or straight degradation. If you want race play about your lmk whether it’s BWC, BBC, etc. I can use the gamer word if you so wish.
🌟 I’ll do masturbation customs again when my digestion improves. I can do a clothed masturbation to climax saying your name (wearing lingerie) for a discount of $60. I can make this video up to 7-8 min long with dirty talk and one fetish of your choice.
🌟 I’ll try to make a graphic that outlines what ppv I have for sale!
❤️ Tip $5 if you want me to make more try-on hauls where I show off my various outfits. ☺️
This is a full time job for me so here are the ways you can support me other than by outright donating:
🌟 Tip $10 if you want a personalized audio. Let me know what name you want me to use. 🔥Tip $40 for a video where I strip and say your name and detail all the things I want to do to you for 5-6 min.
🌟 If you don’t want the full narrative (it’s four videos for $65) — feel free to tip separately for any of the above videos and I’ll send it over. Fetishes Offered for + $10 Race Play (Submissive Asian — can wear Chinese dress to add greater authenticity), Breeding, , FemDom or Mommy Dom, or straight degradation. If you want race play about your lmk whether it’s BWC, BBC, etc.
🌟 I’ll do masturbation customs again when my digestion improves. I can do a clothed masturbation to climax saying your name (wearing lingerie) for a discount of $75. I can make the video up to 7-8 min long with dirty talk and one fetish of your choice.
If you’re waiting for part four of the cock narrative message me and I’ll send it right over to you. ❤️
💕I have a wishlist you can get me something from as well: https://onlyfans.com/away?url=https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/6UTP3XC64BHW?ref_=wl_share
If you’re financially struggling (or not, either way), you can show your appreciation by spam liking my posts. It helps boost my morale and makes me feel loved. 🥰
❤️ Tip $5 if you like how I did my makeup in this video.
Unsexy TMI warning: my digestion is pretty bad right now so wish me luck on that. This kills my self esteem because it causes me to feel constantly bloated with little to no relief. I may have to go back to the emergency room if this continues and see a dietitian.
I’m doing a lot of customs now so if you want to support me, order one with me. I’m open minded and flexible so give me an idea of what you want. If you are still waiting for one, please message me and remind me; spam me if you have to because I sometimes need that extra push. I just have a really scattered adhd brain that needs to find a better way to organize her thoughts so I hope you can be patient with me.
If you’re waiting for part four of the cock narrative message me and I’ll send it right over to you. ❤️
🌟 Tip $10 if you want a personalized audio. Let me know what name you want me to use.
🔥Tip $40 for a video where I strip and say your name and detail all the things I want to do to you for 5-6 min.
🌟 If you don’t want the full narrative (it’s four videos for $65) — feel free to tip separately for any of the above videos and I’ll send it over.
Fetishes Offered for + $10 Race Play (Submissive Asian — can wear Chinese dress to add greater authenticity), Breeding, , FemDom or Mommy Dom, or straight degradation. If you want race play about your lmk whether it’s BWC, BBC, etc. I can use the gamer word if you so wish.
🌟 I’ll do masturbation customs again when my digestion improves. I can do a clothed masturbation to climax saying your name (wearing lingerie) for a discount of $75. I can make the video up to 7-8 min long with dirty talk and one fetish of your choice.
Let me know if there’s specific scenarios you want to see or phrases you’d like me to use.
❤️ If you are in a bad financial position, message me and I can work with you and offer a generous discount on your subscription. Don’t feel ashamed to ask for help. I gladly assist those in need. I also offer emotional support to my depressed or broken hearted subs, so don’t hesitate to reach out if you feel alone. I really hope you all continue to renew your subscription. 🥺
I have a new dildo…
💕 Tip $5 if you just want to support me because you ❤️ me
🌟Tip $10 if you want a personalized audio. Let me know what name you want me to use.
🌟 Tip $20 for a personalized video where I talk dirty to you (message me the name you want me to use). +5 for me to implement race play or breeding themes. 💕
🌟 Tip $50 if you want me to talk dirty with a toy
(no climax)
🔥 Get a cock rating narrative with me.
❤️ About my Cock Ratings: developed a method for my cock ratings which judges by three sets of criterion on a 1-10 scale and takes two perspectives into account. I rate it by girth, length, and overall attractiveness from the “objective” framework which takes into account how that cock measures to the western cultural ideal of what makes a good cock and from the subjective point of view where I measure it according to my own personal preference. What I prefer tends to be different than the cultural standard and I explain why this is in the video rating but people tend to leave happy with how I rate because I am honest and tend to sway more toward cocks on the smaller size. For example, if you have a average to smaller size cock, you would rate lower on the objective scale but higher in my personal scale, and the reverse is true in the case of bigger ones. My videos are 5 minutes long, I tend to start off the video describing the methodology, quickly defining the terms I use, the historical background of ideal cock size, and then delve into detailing where yours falls on a 1-10 scale. I explore the reasons why I prefer a certain size and will reassure you regardless of where you are on the scale that you have the capacity to pleasure a woman like me and that there are no reasons to feel insecure.
Another warning: the videos take an absurdly long time to upload so that’s the reason for any wait. A three min video can take literally all day from 14:00 till 3 in the morning. It’s ridiculous but that’s OF for you. Sorry about that.
Follow me on Facebook: Facebook.com/katarinaishii
All my links over here.
Not a share 4 share but a genuine support post to my creator Friend who you should check out https://onlyfans.com/nastyavalentine
First off, she’s an amazing person who I had the pleasure of meeting when I visited LA in the winter. Her values align closely with my own in terms of how she runs her page. She seeks to express who she is authentically, whether it’s as an intellectual or as an artist. (She also has a mix tape). Her content is creative and unique, something worth checking out. She also does cosplay — look at all the different looks she’s able to pull off. She’s amazing ❤️ Let me know if you decide to check her out. You won’t regret it.
I provided you with some excerpts of her book. Check out the rest of the book here:
https://tsegeek.com/nastyavalentine/CYBERHORNY_Nastya_Valentine.pdf
Working on all the videos today! Specify details of what you want; whether you want me to focus on oral or fucking during dirty talk. If you want me to say specific phrases, etc.
💕 A way you can support me:
🌟Tip $10 if you want a personalized audio. Let me know what name you want me to use.
🌟 Tip $20 for a personalized video where I talk dirty to you (message me the name you want me to use). +5 for me to implement race play or breeding themes. 💕
🌟 Tip $50 if you want me to talk dirty with a toy
(no climax)
🌶 Tip $5 if you’re looking forward to my nude gaming streams
🌟 A way you can support me: Tip $20 for a personalized video where I talk dirty to you (message me the name you want me to use). +5 for me to implement race play or breeding themes. 💕
🌟 Tip $50 if you want me to talk dirty with a toy
(no climax)
❤️ Tip $120 for a 10 min video where I say your name as I cum (with strip tease and dirty talk)
Will be working on these today!
❤️ Tip $5 if you like my super cute frilly dresses on me (and think my smile isn’t weird). I’m trying to get used to smiling in pictures again. I feel insecure about it most of the time but trying to get over it.
🌟 A way you can support me: Tip $20 for a personalized video where I talk dirty to you (message me the name you want me to use). +5 for me to implement race play or breeding themes. 💕
🌟 Tip $50 if you want me to talk dirty with a toy.
🌶 Ask me about my super honest cock ratings. My menu is listed here on my website: https://www.katarinaishii.com/my-menu
PPV options: with the 16 min GGB, I have to send it over instagram.
— Two Solo Videos with climax (6 min each) — $15
— 18 min solo video with climax / dildo & vibrator $15
15 min GGB video — $15
Race play (Asian cuck / white worship) BG video — $15
Ask about the various prices for the GGGB video featuring porn star Cristie Love. — there’s a 45 min unedited version, 30, and 15 min edited cuts.
🌟 Poll: Where did you find me? Only check Twitter or Instagram if you didn’t find me on TikTok first. If you haven’t told me already, I would love to know what caught your eye about me.
I endorse creators only if I actually like their content or I find their page valuable in some way. I enjoy content that is creative, something I believe is expressive of the creator’s unique individuality. Authenticity and humanity is crucial in deciding whether I like a creator’s content or not. I want to feel like I’m actually engaging with another human on the other side. One restless night, I attended one of her late night twitch streams and she was seriously the sweetest girl ever. I really liked how open and honest she was about her life struggles; her openness made me feel at ease with my own personal insecurities. She’s super cool so you should check her out and support her. She’s also half Chinese and half White which is awesome. Hopefully she’ll visit New York one day and we can hang irl. :-)
20yr old mixed Asian Gamer girl just in love with life
𖤐Inked & Pierced
♡Culinary
𖤐Twitch streamer
♡Customs
𖤐Weeb
♡Cosplayer
𖤐1v1 Chatting
♡Rates
𖤐Daily pics & vids
♡Special b/g vids
𖤐Tips appreciated
♡Kink friendly
𖤐She/They
♡Artist
https://onlyfans.com/erasedweeaboo-vip
❤️ Tip $5 if you like my smile. I’m a bit insecure about it which is the main reason why I rarely smile in pictures.
💕 I’m feeling my makeup today so tip $20 if you want a quick personalized sexy video (just message me the name you want me to use). Tip +5 if you want me to add race play or breeding.
🌟 I’ll be making a lot of content with BG partner (one with the fancy camera) this Friday and I’ll have an extra sd card so I don’t have to wait on him for it. I’ll try to post something on my wall asap for you all. I lowered my subscription price because I haven’t posted much BG content lately but that will change soon! Thank you for sticking by me. i hope you can continue to help me grow as a creator and as a person. ❤️ also, big thanks to those who have made it to my twitch streams and even gifted me subs. Fuck I love you guys. I that means the world to me and Twitch is a gig I can confidently talk about with my parents so yay!
Here’s my twitch! https://twitch.tv/katarinaishii
🌟 Poll: what’s the average price you pay for a paid OF subscription? Feel free to comment what these subscriptions offer.
❤️ Tip $5 if you like my shower videos and want more 😊
Working through my digestion so thank you for your patience. I deeply appreciate it. People who have customs, please message and pester me. I do get through them eventually.
I appreciate you all SO much for being here with me. If you have Risk of Rain II, we all can play sometime! This is my steam ID: 76561198384838544
🔥 Tip $5 if you want more solo content.
I’m still really bloated but working on it. My digestive condition is the bane of my entire existence. I can see how Martin Luther’s digestive issue caused him to start a whole religious revolution. Anyways thanks for everyone who has been understanding and worked with me. I appreciate it. Feel free to order a custom with me, warning it can either take a day or sometimes it can take forever.
Follow my socials if you haven’t already :-)
Twitter.com/Katarinaishii
twitch.tv/katarinaishii
Instagram.com/Katarinaishii
www.tiktok.com/@katarinaishii2001
My menu is over here: Katarinaishii.com
💕 Poll:How much interaction would you like with a creator?
🌟 Tip $5 if you just want to support me ❤️
I have a new tiktok that isn’t shadow banned so follow me here www.tiktok.com/@katarinaishii2001
If you want to support a good cause, donate toward my cat’s vet bills. I had to pay $1000 just for the initial visit a couple days ago. Really burnt a hole in my wallet.
🌟 My website has a link to all my socials and my menu if you want to order anything.
🌟 What’s your favorite book?
Which of you own: Risk of Rain 2 / World War Z?
If you have the disposable income and want to support a good cause, donate toward my kitten’s vet bills: ❤️
https://onlyfans.com/273380385/katarinaishii
If you have a custom, please continue pestering me about it. I’m waiting on my digestion at the moment. It’s really bad, I don’t want to go into detail because it’s frankly not very sexy. My message box is flooded at times and it can get lost so please please, message me. Remind me exactly what you want in the custom. As I said before, I am making them longer and higher quality.
💕 Tip $5 if you like my causal selfies ❤️
I got a new phone and made a healthy life style choice. Hope you’re proud of me. Thank you all who have stayed subscribed through my tough times. I appreciate you all and will continue working hard to make content that will get you hard (okay corny but I had to do it). Thanks to all who have attended my livestreams on twitch. If you’re financially struggling, don’t hesitate to let me know and I can offer a generous discount. I want to be here for you all as much as you are here for me. I’m here as emotional support. ❤️
I stream myself drawing and gaming on twitch. We can also game together 💕
http://twitch.tv/katarinaishii
Follow me and my weird emo thoughts on twitter:
twitter.com/katarinaishii
Instagram.com/katarinaishii
www.tiktok.com/@theholyromanempire42
Sorry, I just really like this outfit okay? Lol. Tip $5 if you still like my non-nudes i take. ❤️
If you want to see more of my emo musings, follow my Twitter at twitter.com/Katarinaishii 💕
I want to thank all those who have purchased my new solo PPV; as I said before, it was a lot of work so I hope you all liked it. :-)
I’m still really bloated right now, but I’ll just have to return to my smoothie diet and hopefully it will improve. It’s pretty bad right now. I do customs that sometimes take forever but you just have to keep pestering me. Don’t worry about it. I need it sometimes.
Feel free to support and subscribe here ❤️
https://www.twitch.tv/subs/Katarinaishii
💕 Tip $5 if you missed my 🔥 phone selfies. I know I did. I get my new phone on Monday so yay! My digestion is still bad but I’m working through it. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I do feel and am bloated. My stomach usually doesn’t look this way. :(
Don’t hesitate to remessage me because onlyfans messaging system is trash and literally will send messages I just open all the way to the bottom of the queue, making it nearly impossible to find again. It would make sense that messages I recently open to be at the top of the queue but NOPE, fuck logic, right? Let’s just make this shit as chaotic as possible. I edited my website as well so check it out! Katarinaishii.com :D
❤️ What other stuff would you like to see on my page?
🌟 If you want another way to support me, subscribe to me on Twitch and tune in on my streams & chat (or gift me subs).
https://twitch.tv/katarinaishii
https://www.twitch.tv/subs/Katarinaishii
🌟 If you want to be the greatest person ever to me, follow this individual on twitch. They’re a close friend and I want to help them reach affiliate. I’m featured on their channel a lot gaming with them, and they’re actually fun to watch because they’re good at the games compared to me lol.
https://www.twitch.tv/thestormdiver (you will be in my favor if you engage in chat or streams).
If you have twitch, I can also support you and subscribe because I know the struggle and love supporting my friends. ❤️
Hère are some screenshots from the PPV I just sent out for $15. If you’re new and want to buy it, tip here and I’ll send it to you. I worked very hard on this video, put a lot of effort editing and doing all these different acts with the various angles (even a closeup shot of my pussy). It’s 18 minutes long with a real orgasm. Would anyone be interested in a JOI PPV if I made one?
🔥 Tip $5 if you like my plaid skirts and thigh high stockings ❤️
Here’s my smudged makeup from yesterday casual attire. Eyes are too big for my face. What clothes do you like on me?
Random updates: I bought a new phone which should arrive in a day or so. I’ll probably make a new tiktok so hopefully the bans will happen less frequent. The solo video I sent out was a lot of hard work on my part in terms of extensive editing, actually doing, and so forth. I mean, getting the mirror to work was hard in itself. I hope you can support me by purchasing it and letting me know what you think. I’m a bit insecure about my voice or mannerisms, not sure if I mentioned this but my whole life I struggled with Tourette’s, which I for the most part grew out of but some tics remained in adulthood.
Your feedback on my videos is appreciated. If I haven’t responded, please don’t hesitate to bump the message because onlyfans is dumb and whenever I open a message, it brings the message down a long queue and makes it impossible to find again.
🔥 Tip $10 if you want a sexy personalized voice recording. Message me the name you want me to use. ❤️
I’m sending out a long solo video today! Hope you all enjoy. :)
Here’s a thing I wrote about my bad breakup a couple years back. I wonder if any of you can relate to the sentiments I shared
I u n c o n s c I o u s l y built an elaborate mythology behind my ex and I’s relationship, but reality has its cruel ways of imposing itself on you. I think too often about our first meeting at the Strand dollar cart where you bought The Unbearable Lightness of Being and I picked out a book on Wittgenstein. I didn’t want to say hi first but some internal compulsion, foreign to even me, drove me to utter those fateful words, “you look familiar. Do I know you?” I need to stop replaying these moments in my head: him explaining something regarding the Markov Model in our weekly walks through the MET, playing Ticket to Ride at The Uncommons — every memory and future to-be-had experience feels already stained with his continued presence. I remember telling my analyst about him and his question stuck with me in a way that still makes me laugh, “You fell in love with someone because they sang a song by Neutral Milk Hotel to you?” “Kinda”. Every thought about him is framed by this romantic narrative, filtered with magical elements of inevitability. It’s time I resign myself of this delusion and accept that real life does not abide by the maddening logic of love as I envisioned it. The future feels foreign and fragmented without him, but we somehow find ways of moving forward. I’m sure he has. I suppose, it’s my turn now.
https://youtu.be/N_SnNVDHlOs
